SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- An issue that threatens to tear apart many families, in all types of neighborhoods and backgrounds, is family secrets.

Many families face challenges and conflicts that need to be resolved, and keeping secrets can be very damaging to everyone, according to experts like Dr. Tom Hopkins who spoke to television station KCRA.

Shame and secrecy can begin with the loss of a job, marital problems or some type of abuse going on in the home, he said. It can begin when a child starts getting into trouble, and parents don't want other parents to know because they feel like they have failed.

Even some wealthy families try to cover up the turmoil by buying nicer cars or enrolling their children in more activities because they want to convey that "perfect family image."

But no matter what the cause, there's a point when secrets become very unhealthy, Hopkins said. It's when the person who feels ashamed creates unhealthy rules for others, restricting children or other family members from expressing emotions or talking about the issue.

Teen drug counselor Jon Daily says he has seen many situations where keeping family secrets keeps an entire family ill and keeps the individual ill. And it can really be damaging to children who grow up learning not to talk, not to trust and not to feel, according to Daily.

"The feelings have to come out some way," Daily said. "So, it can be food addiction, workaholism. Many people who've had these struggles in relationships growing up now feel inadequate in relationships because it wasn't safe at home. The relationships weren't role modeled well. So, they'll get into workaholism, because at work, 'I'm the go-to person. I'm competent. I know what I'm doing. But in relationships, I feel a little bit inadequate and a little bit insecure.'"

Hopkins says it's time to reach out past the secrecy when your instinct tells you that keeping the family secret doesn't feel right, and that you should probably reach out for help despite your family's anger.

Many counselors are available in the Sacramento area. They can provide a pathway to hope and healing for both individuals and families. There are also support groups where families can meet others who face the same kinds of issues.

If you need to find a state licensed counselor for the individual or for the family, call (916) 485-5918. Here are links to other resources that specialize in other specific areas of mental health care.